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I recently watched the
harrowing entertainment vehicle called "The
Simple Life" on the Fox network. That
night, I had a fitful dream in which I
interviewed the show's star, Paris
Hilton. In my dream, Hilton's publicist
warns me that Paris's IQ is in the "low
teens." "Limit your questions to
cosmetics and porn tapes, and you should be
okay," the publicist says. "No
problem," I respond. "I can do
that...."
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NYROCK:
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Wow, 30 days on a farm. That must
have been some fiasco. |
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PARIS:
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Fiasco? Is that the name of a soda?
Tastes sorta like Sprite?
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NYROCK:
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You know, an ordeal. Something very
difficult to get acclimated to.
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PARIS:
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Acclimate? Does that have something
to do with clams mating?
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NYROCK:
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Oh boy, I see I'm gonna have to talk
in monosyllables.... |
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PARIS:
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My friend once
had mono. She stayed in bed for a
month. |
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NYROCK:
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Okay, let's
get back on track. What was it like
being around all that livestock?
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PARIS:
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Livestock?
Wasn't that a music festival in the
'60s, with a lot of dirty hippies
and stuff? |
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NYROCK:
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Cows. You milked some cows, right?
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PARIS:
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Is that what
that white stuff was? I thought it
was Kaopectate.... |
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NYROCK:
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Okay, I quit. I just don't have the
tenacity for this.... |
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PARIS:
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Tennis City? That's where Tiger Wood
lives, right? Oh no, that would be
Golf City, wouldn't it? |
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Checking in with Paris Hilton